ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
