Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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