I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
