Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
