Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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