This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
