You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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