it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
