Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
