Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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