I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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