Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
