i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
