Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
