he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
