I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
