so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.