You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants