I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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