I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at about main and main street
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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