I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
