Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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