I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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