I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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