i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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