I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
