I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jerry, you need to find god
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
