I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
