He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
