I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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