Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
