At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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