Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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