anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
