Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
