dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
