i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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