I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
