The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize