I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
