yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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