Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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