anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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