Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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