You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize