Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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