Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
handjob tips. give me some.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
