But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
