Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
