I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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