The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
