I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
