I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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