I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
