I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
