They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
