I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish I could punch you in the face.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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