i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
