First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
