Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
