Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can text with my tongue
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
