Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
