I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
