After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Still dying that you shit outside
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
