I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
NoShamevember. You game?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
