Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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