I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
