I think my vagina is haunted
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
