Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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