Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
