I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
