I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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