This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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