Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
