We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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