C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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