I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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