I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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