dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
