I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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