I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
