I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
