My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
