Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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